Coming from a broken home, the loss of both my parents, and a brother at a very young age I spent most of my life in a state of hiding, ashamed of who I was and who I had become. I tried to hide by living a double life turning to drugs and alcohol to mask the pain.

I was living in bondage to my compulsive behavior and seeing a lot more bad than good inside myself. I looked at my life in the terms of an all or nothing person resulting in more and more problems. At this time my life had been full of misdirection, broken relationships, failures, and addiction. I seen myself as an irresponsible person and I continued to condemn myself. Spending several nights in jail and three visits to prison. I can remember being so confused and overwhelmed by disappointment, grief, and pain in my life no matter what I did I was powerless to change things for the better, I didn’t see why my heart just didn’t break and allow death to free me. Going through life under these circumstances wasn’t healthy for me nor my spiritual life, it raised many questions and doubts.

Ironically, as I asserted my freedom to live as I chose, I lost my freedom to choose anything other than my addiction. I felt inside like I was running with the devil. I knew in my heart something had to change. I had to change. I couldn’t continue going through life without a purpose, without a care, not knowing what to do to shake the pain, guilt, grief, and anger I had inside. Landing in jail for another drug possession looking at possibly spending the rest of my life behind bars…what in the world happened to my life?